Keep Moving Forward

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I don’t feel like writing tonight. I don’t think many of us feel like writing tonight, to judge from my social media feeds. Those who have been there (or are there) know and keep chanting quietly, “Depression lies.” I’ve sat here, staring at the screen and wondering why I’m so sad for someone I didn’t personally know. Maybe I felt like I did, and maybe I know part of the struggle he lost, and the two combined are enough to make me sad.

On nights like this, I’m thankful for the WordPress “Quick Draft” feature which allows me to save thoughts as they flit through my mind and turn them into blog posts later. I can dig through my saved drafts and hope to find gold, and sometimes I find a draft entitled, “When you need hope.” Well, WordPress dashboard, here we are.

End Poem

The day my children finished Minecraft for the first time, they ran about the apartment screaming for help because “there are all these words and you need to read them.” I had been hiding in my room. Sometimes, all you can do is hide and wait because you know it will be better tomorrow and you just have to keep moving forward. I walked out calmly, because I swore years ago when the divorce was darkest that I would not cry in front of the children anymore, and sat with my children and began to read the End Poem for the first time.

But there are times it is sad, in the long dream. It creates worlds that have no summer, and it shivers under a black sun, and it takes its sad creation for reality.
To cure it of sorrow would destroy it. The sorrow is part of its own private task. We cannot interfere.
Sometimes when they are deep in dreams, I want to tell them, they are building true worlds in reality. Sometimes I want to tell them of their importance to the universe.

I barely made it through. I still can barely make it. My throat kept closing up and I lost my voice as the story washed over me. I held my children and cried from pain, and hope, and relief. Sometimes, it doesn’t matter where the words come from so long as the message is received.

I like this player. It played well. It did not give up.

Nihilumbra

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I don’t know exactly what drew me to the game Nihilumbra. The art of this game captured my interest even when I knew nothing of the story, but I’m forever grateful for my boyfriend deciding to pluck it from my Steam wishlist and send it my way. He hasn’t played it, he just knew I was attracted to it. Anyway, it’s become one of my favorites in my library. It’s available on nearly every platform (including mobile) and localized in several languages, so there are so many options for playing.

The art is beautiful if simple, and the gameplay is challenging to master while simple to grasp. Most of all, the story is delicately crafted and centers on Born, a piece of the void who was nothing and whom Nothing chases through world after world. In Born’s attempts to live, Born unwittingly causes the destruction of the beauty it discovers. Each world is lost to the Void that tries to reclaim Born. I won’t spoil the end, because you have to win the conclusion yourself.

And trust me, you CAN win.

 

If you’re struggling:

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ (USA)
http://www.cmha.ca/mental-health/understanding-mental-illness/suicide/ (Canada)
http://www.befrienders.org/ (Worldwide)

 

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